Gender and Sexuality

Smith: Mutual respect must replace chivalry

Time and time again, one can hear the frustrated sigh of a woman complaining, “Chivalry is dead,” and a man criticizing feminism for the demise. However, men and women seem to confuse chivalry with mutual respect.

Chivalry was a code of conduct for knights in the medieval age, around the 12th century. Yet as a society, we cling to this arbitrary idea that men should protect women. But how does a lesbian or gay couple adopt these ideas?

An article featured on Elite Daily, “9 Chivalrous Habits Of A True Gentleman That Make Women Melt,” explains how men should be chivalrous toward women by walking on the outside of sidewalks or filling up their gas tanks. The first idea of a man protecting a woman from traffic can be seen as caring, but again, when two women are in a partnership, there is no clear rule on who is supposed to protect the other from oncoming traffic. And filling up a gas tank is a caring gesture that both genders should welcome.

Instead of creating rules that only men have to adhere to, there should be mutually agreed upon rules of respect. Partners should help each other put their coats on, split checks and whoever gets to the door first should open it. A woman shouldn’t expect a man to open the door for her purely because he is a man. Putting all the responsibility on one gender is not fair.

However, men should not believe that just because chivalry is being rejected, that being respectful would be seen as sexist. In a Telegraph article the author said, “Baffled, dazed, confused and becoming increasingly indignant, many men I know are just giving up. If helping ladies (whoops, sexist word alert!) is either not welcomed or, worse, carries the risk of being accused of sexism, what’s the point even trying?”



Believing that helping women will turn into sexism is ignorant. Common courtesy and manners are completely different than a man assuming a woman is too fragile or weak to do basic tasks. What makes chivalry wrong is the shift of all dating responsibilities on to men. But it’s not just men complaining of the struggle with chivalry. Women also lament when chivalry is absent.

Expecting a man to pay the bill, open every door and give flowers often is unfair if our society is striving for equality. Both partners should go in with similar expectations of the duty of being in a relationship. And both genders should recall why chivalry is archaic.

Remember, when chivalry was popular, not only women did not have the right to vote but the bubonic plague was still a hundred years away and America hadn’t yet been discovered. This idea was instilled because women could not financially support themselves and were thought to also not be able to physically support themselves. Clearly, women are able to support themselves emotionally and financially today.

There is a reason chivalry should stay in the past. Focusing on minute details of who should take care of what should be cast to the side while mutual respect should be front and center.

Julia Smith is a junior newspaper and online journalism and sociology dual major. Her column appears weekly. She can be reached at jcsmit11@syr.edu and followed on Twitter @jcsmith711.





Top Stories